I wrote this a while ago and had it on my old website, but re-read it and felt compelled to move it here.
March 21, 2004
Another memoir of my life changing experience being a local volley on a busy suburban first aid and rescue squad.
On Monday March 15, 2004 a local EMT was struck down and killed on a EMS call. The EMT, Jim, had parked his car on the side of a six lane divided highway (a local street here in overpopulated NJ). He crossed the northbound side, which had police cars blocking the lanes to approach the car accident with a woman having chest pain. He was run over by a woman who did not heed the police cars or flashing lights. He was 53, 11 years on the Red and White…. His own family of EMT’s were there and the first ones to attempt to save his life although they knew it would be in vain. The medics arrived, and pulled the two young members away (they were in their early 20’s).
When news of this tragedy reached the network of volunteers all over the state, everyone went into mourning…. Flags were dropped, black and purple bunting hung over doors state wide… One of our own was gone… I knew I had to go, although the trauma of such a funeral would undoubtedly open up the wounds I so painfully tried to forget of my 9-11 memories. He was one of us, not a police man, not a firefighter, but a volunteer EMT… We had to go… To show that we are there for each other.
So the evening of Friday March 20th, I set out my uniform, pressed it, and made sure all my pins and patches were on just right. I pulled out my duty shoes and cleaned and polished them to a shine.. I replaced the laces and went to sleep, thinking of my own mortality and how there were so many times that it could have been me or one of my crew.
Saturday morning, I awoke, and dressed. I made sure there were no wrinkles, no threads hanging from the sleeves. It seems like a simple thing to button up your shirt, but when you are facing a task that is so grave, so necessary, even the simple daily motions take strength… In my pockets I placed a pressed, white handkerchief and some hard candies for the lump that was in my throat.
I drove the 2 miles to my local building and met up with the other members who had all taken the same pride in their uniforms. I grabbed a clean towel and polished the chrome on our newest ambulance Alpha 2. I have a tendency to do this a lot, but this was just so therapeutic to do. We drove A-2 and our support van A-6 the 15 minute drive to the SOBFD (or as Frankie, our 76 year old volunteer who still answers calls, called them “the son of a bitches fire department”). As I drove our new ambulance, a E450 chassis with a mod box, our radio was tuned to JEMS 4. This would be our staging frequency for the service. As we drove closer, we listened to the various ambulance crews call in from all over the state call to say they were close and needed directions… Crews from the north corner of the state to the very southern tip showed up.
We parked our ambulance at the church that the service would be held at. The parking lot was full of emergency vehicles… Probably over 100 ambulances, fire trucks, and cars. They bussed us to the fire department about 2 blocks away. There was mounds of food, coffee and fruit. The three fire truck bays full of donated food for everyone. There we talked with the two young members with their dress whites on, black band over their badges about how the medics would not let them treat him.. How they felt so helpless, a feeling that we have so often as EMT’s.
We were bussed back to the church and formed a single line from the front of the church down the driveway and down the street. At the beginning was two SOBFD ladder trucks with a 30 x 60 flag between them. Rumor stated that the flag was donated by a friend of a friend of a friend that drove the flag down from upstate New York the night before. We were called to attention and then salute as the funeral procession neared the arch. In front were two motorcycle police, followed by bagpipers, (of which two were NYC, one fireman and one police). The black funeral directors van was next, with the president of the Red and White leading their ambulance. The ambulance was draped with purple and black bunting, over the front grille and the light bar. The lights were on, but covered by the shroud of death. On each side of the ambulance walked the pole bearers. Behind the entire squad marched, followed by the fire department. When the procession reached the front doors of the church we watched the scene of hundreds of uniformed people, all different colors of shirts, all different badges.. The flag flew at half staff, as a rumbling could be heard in the distance… In from the north corner flew our medical evac helicopter Northstar. It flew over head, rotors tipped to the side, and flew off to the south….We all held our breath.
We all filed into the church for the service, a tear filled one with bagpipers in the choir loft. The preacher talked about how he was a hero, how he lived and died a hero. Helping people, sacrificing ourselves to our fellow man. I think the most moving eulogy was given by the fire chief. He recited a work called “When God mad the EMT”. (I found the work on the internet and have attached it). We all cried.
We saluted as the coffin was placed back into the ambulance and then were dismissed to our own rigs. Then “the last ride” began. A procession led by the bagpipers, ambulance and police left the parking lot and went east. All ~150 ambulances with lights on, no sirens followed the last route of Jim. We went down route 9 to where the accident was, then we went to the hospital where he was pronounced, and then proceeded up route 18 past the Red and White squad building. As we entered EB on the way to the cemetery, the EB fire department had created a second ladder flag arch. With their members standing salute to both sides of the highway ramp. People stood on the sides of the street, watching this silent procession of vehicles from all over the state, Long Island, and Maryland.
When we reached the cemetery, we created a path for the pall bearers to walk to the grave site. As the clergy, bagpipers, pall bearers, family and squad members walked through, we all saluted. It was a bright blue day with a brisk wind on that hill overlooking New Jersey. Snow on the ground made our feet just as numb as our hearts. As he was laid to rest, the bagpipers played. The flag was folded, and his last call was announced. All the pagers of the rescue squad went off, their distinct tones ringing through the brisk silent day. “Dispatcher KDL112 to OBRS, this is the last call for EMT Jim D. He is 10-7 (out of service), may he rest in peace, Dispatcher KDL112”. People shook, tears flowed, I could not help it…The 21 gun salute was volleyed and taps played.
We were dismissed. I drove my crew back to our town.
I have been to funerals, and military burials, but this moving ceremony for a public servant that so many people overlook truly moved me. It was a beautiful feeling to know that we as EMT’s are part of a vast brotherhood that stretches for miles. That if we are in need there will be someone there.. Thank you.
16 December 2009
The Itch...
So here I am, prit near 37 weeks pregnant, and all I can think about is EMS.
WTF?!?! Talk about a time in my life when I am the farthest from my passion, that I find myself reminiscing about all the old calls, the old squad, the new FD I never really even had a chance to get my teeth into before the "surprise!".
I am a trauma junkie, and find myself oohing and ahhing over the most horrific pictures I can find on the Internet of recent trauma (Thank you 1st responder broadcast network!). Then I find myself forwarding them or talking to my FF/EMT brother about them.
Will I ever get back into it like I did before children? Will I find EMS in NH is as fulfilling as riding crew in urban NJ? I do not know. When I had my pager on, it seemed all that was happening when I was home was the PITA fire alarm activations... GRRR.
Maybe it is because my 9-5 job has turned up the suck factor. That being a Biochemist has seemed hollow and meaningless lately. No great "AH HA!" discoveries or anything. That my career has turned into nothing but a job with a paycheck. (No sir, I am not disgruntled :)
Oh well.. All I can say is that in 4 weeks (+ or - 2) my life will change yet again, with a brandy new DD to turn my life upside down and show me that there is more worth fighting for.
WTF?!?! Talk about a time in my life when I am the farthest from my passion, that I find myself reminiscing about all the old calls, the old squad, the new FD I never really even had a chance to get my teeth into before the "surprise!".
I am a trauma junkie, and find myself oohing and ahhing over the most horrific pictures I can find on the Internet of recent trauma (Thank you 1st responder broadcast network!). Then I find myself forwarding them or talking to my FF/EMT brother about them.
Will I ever get back into it like I did before children? Will I find EMS in NH is as fulfilling as riding crew in urban NJ? I do not know. When I had my pager on, it seemed all that was happening when I was home was the PITA fire alarm activations... GRRR.
Maybe it is because my 9-5 job has turned up the suck factor. That being a Biochemist has seemed hollow and meaningless lately. No great "AH HA!" discoveries or anything. That my career has turned into nothing but a job with a paycheck. (No sir, I am not disgruntled :)
Oh well.. All I can say is that in 4 weeks (+ or - 2) my life will change yet again, with a brandy new DD to turn my life upside down and show me that there is more worth fighting for.
07 December 2009
Sallie
Sallie,
Although this dog we rescued June 2008 would never win the Lassie award, she became part of our family.
Our fond moments were her running all out around our yard. Jumping the stone wall in the front in a single bound. Digging up all the moles and voles and using them as doggie treats (our lawn never looked so good!). Running up the drive whimpering for me when my truck pulled down the road.
Our not so fond memories, peeing all over my living room rug, even though she had ample outside time. Pooping in my DD's bedroom. Eating anything left on the kitchen table when we were not looking. Snacking on the kitty poo by bringing it into the living room carpet and chowing down. Leaving 2 foot butt streaks on the carpet of my bedroom. Peeing in fear or barking when my husband entered the house. Eating miscelanious childrens toys including crayola twist up crayons. Running away from my husband and DD.
But no one deserves the end she faced. Somehow while at the kennel over the holidays, she sustained a neck injury that damaged her spinal disks. An x-ray revealed IVDD, degenerative disk disease. She was in constant pain, the slightest movement would create a minute long tirade of screaches and howls as she dropped to the floor in pain. Surgery, without any guerantees was an option, starting at about $4,000. to $10,000, and only done by a Vet about two hours away. Conservative management meant crate confinement and carrying her out to go to the bathroom. We tried it for a week. She would just roll over in the night and start screaming.
We had to make a decision. I could not let her live this way. On Friday 12/4/09 we had to say goodbye to Sallie.
She will be forever in our hearts and memories.
Although this dog we rescued June 2008 would never win the Lassie award, she became part of our family.
Our fond moments were her running all out around our yard. Jumping the stone wall in the front in a single bound. Digging up all the moles and voles and using them as doggie treats (our lawn never looked so good!). Running up the drive whimpering for me when my truck pulled down the road.
Our not so fond memories, peeing all over my living room rug, even though she had ample outside time. Pooping in my DD's bedroom. Eating anything left on the kitchen table when we were not looking. Snacking on the kitty poo by bringing it into the living room carpet and chowing down. Leaving 2 foot butt streaks on the carpet of my bedroom. Peeing in fear or barking when my husband entered the house. Eating miscelanious childrens toys including crayola twist up crayons. Running away from my husband and DD.
But no one deserves the end she faced. Somehow while at the kennel over the holidays, she sustained a neck injury that damaged her spinal disks. An x-ray revealed IVDD, degenerative disk disease. She was in constant pain, the slightest movement would create a minute long tirade of screaches and howls as she dropped to the floor in pain. Surgery, without any guerantees was an option, starting at about $4,000. to $10,000, and only done by a Vet about two hours away. Conservative management meant crate confinement and carrying her out to go to the bathroom. We tried it for a week. She would just roll over in the night and start screaming.
We had to make a decision. I could not let her live this way. On Friday 12/4/09 we had to say goodbye to Sallie.
She will be forever in our hearts and memories.
06 November 2009
So young, yet so....
So yesterday I Maddie decides to wear the fuzzy flourescent green hooded vest Nana brought up for her. The front looks like something out of Sesame Street.
We walk into her preschool class the the first thing, a bunch of kids all exclaim "your shirt looks so soft, I just want to touch it!" and swarm towards her. At which point she runs for cover behind me and mumbles something.
I take her aside and ask her what she stated and this is what I got...
"Moommm, I don't want them touching my shirt, I got my flu vaccine, but did they? They probably have flu buggies!"
I did not know what to say? She is 4 for goodness sake! I had to inform her that she would not get flu buggies from the other children if they touched her shirt.. just to make sure that she washes her hands a lot, especially before eating snack, etc...
Man, by DD already is a germaphobe!
We walk into her preschool class the the first thing, a bunch of kids all exclaim "your shirt looks so soft, I just want to touch it!" and swarm towards her. At which point she runs for cover behind me and mumbles something.
I take her aside and ask her what she stated and this is what I got...
"Moommm, I don't want them touching my shirt, I got my flu vaccine, but did they? They probably have flu buggies!"
I did not know what to say? She is 4 for goodness sake! I had to inform her that she would not get flu buggies from the other children if they touched her shirt.. just to make sure that she washes her hands a lot, especially before eating snack, etc...
Man, by DD already is a germaphobe!
04 November 2009
Movember
It seems that November is mens health awareness month, and my friend sent me a link to his Mo page. Seems that the Stache off theme is spreading! So it is moustache month... Guess DD had her stache too early in October.. :)
08 October 2009
Why?
Ok, so being the mother of a 4 year old DD who is quite an independant spirit, I never know what to expect. So this is just another paragraph in the life of mom living.
Yesterday morning, I was in the bathroom getting ready at the sink, DH was in the shower when DD walks in. She has both hands over her mouth and mumbles something. I ask her to repeat what she stated because i could not hear her. She states it louder, still behind two hands. At this point I lean down and give her my ear. She then mumbles "you are not going to be mad are you?" To which I replied, well, it depends, what did you do?
She removes her hands to show quite an interesting bit of artwork done with a black ball point pen. I ask "what did you do?" She replies " I wanted a moustache."
I calmly tell her, "Why? little girls do not have moustaches, mommies do not have moustaches, but some daddies do". Then she clarifies "Our daddy does not have a moustache!" No, he does not.
I never could get a reason why she wanted a moustache. Took out the baby oil and a cotton ball and removed as much of her 4 year old moustache as I could before bringing her to preschool.
Sigh...
Yesterday morning, I was in the bathroom getting ready at the sink, DH was in the shower when DD walks in. She has both hands over her mouth and mumbles something. I ask her to repeat what she stated because i could not hear her. She states it louder, still behind two hands. At this point I lean down and give her my ear. She then mumbles "you are not going to be mad are you?" To which I replied, well, it depends, what did you do?
She removes her hands to show quite an interesting bit of artwork done with a black ball point pen. I ask "what did you do?" She replies " I wanted a moustache."
I calmly tell her, "Why? little girls do not have moustaches, mommies do not have moustaches, but some daddies do". Then she clarifies "Our daddy does not have a moustache!" No, he does not.
I never could get a reason why she wanted a moustache. Took out the baby oil and a cotton ball and removed as much of her 4 year old moustache as I could before bringing her to preschool.
Sigh...
04 September 2009
I woke up to what?
Alright, so I am "on call" 24/7 now till the end of September, and had to field a couple of calls overnight, so sleep was at a minimum.
This AM I am awoken by my 4 yo DD asking me "Mommy, can I play with Cheesus?" My response was "mwhaaa?" So she clarified, "you know Cheesus, the little people who you have locked in the basement? Can I play with him today?"
Slowly the synapsis started to fire and a bit of things fell into place.
"Do you mean Jesus and the christmas nativity set from Fisher Price's little people collection?"
"YES! Cheesus and the dog!"
"Ok, you can play with Jesus after school. Please repeat after me JESUS." :)
Sigh. What a way to wake up, Cheesus locked in the basement...
This AM I am awoken by my 4 yo DD asking me "Mommy, can I play with Cheesus?" My response was "mwhaaa?" So she clarified, "you know Cheesus, the little people who you have locked in the basement? Can I play with him today?"
Slowly the synapsis started to fire and a bit of things fell into place.
"Do you mean Jesus and the christmas nativity set from Fisher Price's little people collection?"
"YES! Cheesus and the dog!"
"Ok, you can play with Jesus after school. Please repeat after me JESUS." :)
Sigh. What a way to wake up, Cheesus locked in the basement...
11 August 2009
Thanks again Big O!
So not only does the visit by the Pres mean I will not be able to leave work at lunch today due to massive traffic restrictions as he flies is air force one into the airport I look at everyday out my work window, but I get a notice from American Express.
Yes, the Big O man passed that great credit card reform law, remember? You know where credit cards cant pitch their crap to college kids, and all that nice protection for the masses that was promised?
Well, now on top of B of A increasing all their frivolous fees on my other card, good old American Express Blue just gave us notice that starting October 1st, our interest rate will go from a lucrative 7-9% to 11.99% plus prime, not to be less than 15.99% anual APR!!!!! And we are a member in good standing!!!!! (No late fees, no delinquent payments, etc.) They actually had the audacity to state it was due to changing economic times! (Yeah, that is what my work stated when they gave out NO raises, and my DH job when they terminated his contract, leading to 8+ months of unemployment!)
And what do I find when I search the internet, but this news article from July...
http://www.usatoday.com/money/perfi/credit/2009-06-29-banks-fees-credit_N.htm?obref=obinsite
Just freaking wonderful! Now for me, all it means is I will take a bit of cash from savings and tell good ol AM to go pack it sideways and they will never get a bit of intrest out of me again! HA HA!
But what about all those people the big O promised to protect? All those people that do not have a bit in their savings to pay off their credit? They get HOSED!!!!!!!!
So how does this govornment regulation help me? I can't see it.
And now the pitch on health care reform. Where I loose my right to choose my health coverage, where I have to pay for others who choose to not pay for insurance! Again, I do not see me or my family coming out of this on the winning side!
Grumble over...
Yes, the Big O man passed that great credit card reform law, remember? You know where credit cards cant pitch their crap to college kids, and all that nice protection for the masses that was promised?
Well, now on top of B of A increasing all their frivolous fees on my other card, good old American Express Blue just gave us notice that starting October 1st, our interest rate will go from a lucrative 7-9% to 11.99% plus prime, not to be less than 15.99% anual APR!!!!! And we are a member in good standing!!!!! (No late fees, no delinquent payments, etc.) They actually had the audacity to state it was due to changing economic times! (Yeah, that is what my work stated when they gave out NO raises, and my DH job when they terminated his contract, leading to 8+ months of unemployment!)
And what do I find when I search the internet, but this news article from July...
http://www.usatoday.com/money/perfi/credit/2009-06-29-banks-fees-credit_N.htm?obref=obinsite
Just freaking wonderful! Now for me, all it means is I will take a bit of cash from savings and tell good ol AM to go pack it sideways and they will never get a bit of intrest out of me again! HA HA!
But what about all those people the big O promised to protect? All those people that do not have a bit in their savings to pay off their credit? They get HOSED!!!!!!!!
So how does this govornment regulation help me? I can't see it.
And now the pitch on health care reform. Where I loose my right to choose my health coverage, where I have to pay for others who choose to not pay for insurance! Again, I do not see me or my family coming out of this on the winning side!
Grumble over...
10 August 2009
You said WHAT?
DD was on her way to school, safely belted into the back of my truck when she spies my duty belt and starts to pull it apart. First the stethoscope is hung on the coat hook by the ear peaces, then the gloves don both hands.
She then asks me "Mommy you drive a fire truck right?" To which I reply "no, I drive an ambulance. Mommy needs to go to more training to drive the fire truck, but with new baby on the way, I have not been able to go to all the training"
Which she then replies "I have your scissors! Can we CUT the baby out now?" (Thank god I was driving, or else I probably would have had a small fit, however since this is not the first time my sweet innocent 4yo has pulled out the tazer on me, I was prepared).
I replied "No, we cannot get the baby out now, it is not done growing, and will only come out when it is ready"
So she sat there a minute and then logically stated "Ok, so when the baby pops out, Daddy and I will stay home and take care of the baby and you can go get your training. That's a plan ok?"
"Ok, but I drive the ambulance already, is that not good enough?"
She replies "NOPE! You have to drive the Fire Truck! I like the fire truck better, because my Playmobile ambulance drivers are scary looking, and I like the fire truck men better"
Sigh. EMS, seems like it is never good enough... From the mouths of babes..
(Note to self, keep the sharps locked up for a while...)
She then asks me "Mommy you drive a fire truck right?" To which I reply "no, I drive an ambulance. Mommy needs to go to more training to drive the fire truck, but with new baby on the way, I have not been able to go to all the training"
Which she then replies "I have your scissors! Can we CUT the baby out now?" (Thank god I was driving, or else I probably would have had a small fit, however since this is not the first time my sweet innocent 4yo has pulled out the tazer on me, I was prepared).
I replied "No, we cannot get the baby out now, it is not done growing, and will only come out when it is ready"
So she sat there a minute and then logically stated "Ok, so when the baby pops out, Daddy and I will stay home and take care of the baby and you can go get your training. That's a plan ok?"
"Ok, but I drive the ambulance already, is that not good enough?"
She replies "NOPE! You have to drive the Fire Truck! I like the fire truck better, because my Playmobile ambulance drivers are scary looking, and I like the fire truck men better"
Sigh. EMS, seems like it is never good enough... From the mouths of babes..
(Note to self, keep the sharps locked up for a while...)
10 July 2009
Science Lagging in the US
There has been a couple good articles on the sorry state of US science advancement today. One was here. http://news.cnet.com/8301-11386_3-10283801-76.html
My comment on this. HELL YEAH! The US view of science is pathetic at best. Let's face it, science is not looked well upon in the public education system, and for students to show any desire to continue their education in science, the public view is "NERD".
Science recruiters do not come to schools, no one tells young children that being a scientist is a well worth it, well recompensed profession! No, we push sports heros, stock traders, lawyers, and even now being a doctor is not as glorious as it once was. The reasons? MONEY.
There is no money to be made in science. You hardly find anyone with a pHD or undergrad degree making $200 -$300 that you see in some mediocre financial fields or law. And you sure don't make the milions atheletes make. pH D. programs can cost just about as much as a medical degreee, but guess where it gets you? If you are lucky a job in academia, where every penny is scrutinized and must be begged for in grants.
And if you take this a step further, past the fact that the general public looks at scientists as some sort of oddity, start looking at our scientific corporations left here in the US. My basis is biotechnology so this is heavily slanted to pharmaceuticals, etc. But if you ask my husband who is a Mechanical Engineer, US engineering might has seen it's hayday too.
So what big pharma do we have left in the US? Not a whole lot. Start looking at the mergers, the name changes, and you will see that most companies are now owned by forign entities. (Even the one I work at is not US based). Where has our proud pharma history gone? Fractured into peices. We used to be a powerhouse, pumping out the newest ideas, the most radical cures, the place to be for medicine. But what has come out of those doors? What diseases have we cured?
Erectile disfunction? Attention deficit disorders?
We are living in a sorry state. Where the population is looking for government controlled healthcare, so that everyone can get as many happy pills as they deem necessary and not pay a penny more thank you.
But what does that DO to the structure of american health research? Does anyone see the fact that if there is less money coming in, there will be less research done, less new cures for disease. And if we take a lesson from what has been introduced lately, the only medicine coming out will be lifestyle pills. Lets face it, no one dies from erectile disfunction, yet you will be abe to prevent it by paying $ for your fair share of pills.
Sorry, sorry state...
My comment on this. HELL YEAH! The US view of science is pathetic at best. Let's face it, science is not looked well upon in the public education system, and for students to show any desire to continue their education in science, the public view is "NERD".
Science recruiters do not come to schools, no one tells young children that being a scientist is a well worth it, well recompensed profession! No, we push sports heros, stock traders, lawyers, and even now being a doctor is not as glorious as it once was. The reasons? MONEY.
There is no money to be made in science. You hardly find anyone with a pHD or undergrad degree making $200 -$300 that you see in some mediocre financial fields or law. And you sure don't make the milions atheletes make. pH D. programs can cost just about as much as a medical degreee, but guess where it gets you? If you are lucky a job in academia, where every penny is scrutinized and must be begged for in grants.
And if you take this a step further, past the fact that the general public looks at scientists as some sort of oddity, start looking at our scientific corporations left here in the US. My basis is biotechnology so this is heavily slanted to pharmaceuticals, etc. But if you ask my husband who is a Mechanical Engineer, US engineering might has seen it's hayday too.
So what big pharma do we have left in the US? Not a whole lot. Start looking at the mergers, the name changes, and you will see that most companies are now owned by forign entities. (Even the one I work at is not US based). Where has our proud pharma history gone? Fractured into peices. We used to be a powerhouse, pumping out the newest ideas, the most radical cures, the place to be for medicine. But what has come out of those doors? What diseases have we cured?
Erectile disfunction? Attention deficit disorders?
We are living in a sorry state. Where the population is looking for government controlled healthcare, so that everyone can get as many happy pills as they deem necessary and not pay a penny more thank you.
But what does that DO to the structure of american health research? Does anyone see the fact that if there is less money coming in, there will be less research done, less new cures for disease. And if we take a lesson from what has been introduced lately, the only medicine coming out will be lifestyle pills. Lets face it, no one dies from erectile disfunction, yet you will be abe to prevent it by paying $ for your fair share of pills.
Sorry, sorry state...
07 July 2009
I hate SLOW!
So, I had a gift card for Borders books. I do not normally order books from Borders online, but since there was not a Borders near me, and lets face it Waldenbooks in the malls are always full price or worse!
I found some books I wanted and ordered them on June 29th. I was informed that my order qualified for free shipping. Woo Hoo! Even better!
But. Yes the big butttt you never get anything for free is true here. It is now June 7th, and their website has informed me that the estimated delivery date is June 10th! WTF!!!! Even the Borders website calls it 3-5 business day shipping! This is just insane! Even if you discount the 3rd being a federal holiday (the observation of the 4th), it is still 8 business days!
So needless to say, I am still waiting for four paper back books to arrive, and have come to the conclusion that Barnes and Noble free and fast shipping rocks, so does Amazon Prime! So never again will I order from Borders and sit on my hands while Fedex lets my package rot on some horse drawn buggy going 5 MPH!
I expect more in todays age of I WANT IT NOW!
:)
I found some books I wanted and ordered them on June 29th. I was informed that my order qualified for free shipping. Woo Hoo! Even better!
But. Yes the big butttt you never get anything for free is true here. It is now June 7th, and their website has informed me that the estimated delivery date is June 10th! WTF!!!! Even the Borders website calls it 3-5 business day shipping! This is just insane! Even if you discount the 3rd being a federal holiday (the observation of the 4th), it is still 8 business days!
So needless to say, I am still waiting for four paper back books to arrive, and have come to the conclusion that Barnes and Noble free and fast shipping rocks, so does Amazon Prime! So never again will I order from Borders and sit on my hands while Fedex lets my package rot on some horse drawn buggy going 5 MPH!
I expect more in todays age of I WANT IT NOW!
:)
30 June 2009
EEEEVIL Tylenol
Ugh. I am tired of reading where the government again feels the need to protect the dim witted and stupid people by penalizing everyone.
Now the FDA has decided to BAN percocet and vicodin, and limit the amount of OTC tylenol because of overdose risk?!?!?!?
WTF!!!!!!!!
You have got to be kidding me! So now because some morons who use too much of it kill their liver, these perfectly safe, when taken as prescribed medications will no longer be there for people that need them. What does the all mighty FDA recommend as a substitution? Straight Morphine to go home with after major surgery?
This just kills me and reaks of what we are told as children, it is the morons, the stupid ones that ruin it for everyone! Aint that the truth! Someone goes out and chuggs tons of these medications, and then everyone else has to go scratch when it comes to legitimate pain issues.
In my time, I have seen them all while riding EMS. The ones that "ground up their oxycodone and snorted it", the ones that blame the system when they become addicted to their spouses back pain meds. The morons who chew a transdermal narcotic patch!
The thing that kills me, is that people who want to overdose, will overdose. Those that are abusing the drugs will continue to abuse them. Removing them from the market does not fix the problem (can anyone say the war on illegal drugs example? people still using them!).
Just tired of our overbearing government agencies telling us "it is for your best interest". I don't want them as a parent!
Now the FDA has decided to BAN percocet and vicodin, and limit the amount of OTC tylenol because of overdose risk?!?!?!?
WTF!!!!!!!!
You have got to be kidding me! So now because some morons who use too much of it kill their liver, these perfectly safe, when taken as prescribed medications will no longer be there for people that need them. What does the all mighty FDA recommend as a substitution? Straight Morphine to go home with after major surgery?
This just kills me and reaks of what we are told as children, it is the morons, the stupid ones that ruin it for everyone! Aint that the truth! Someone goes out and chuggs tons of these medications, and then everyone else has to go scratch when it comes to legitimate pain issues.
In my time, I have seen them all while riding EMS. The ones that "ground up their oxycodone and snorted it", the ones that blame the system when they become addicted to their spouses back pain meds. The morons who chew a transdermal narcotic patch!
The thing that kills me, is that people who want to overdose, will overdose. Those that are abusing the drugs will continue to abuse them. Removing them from the market does not fix the problem (can anyone say the war on illegal drugs example? people still using them!).
Just tired of our overbearing government agencies telling us "it is for your best interest". I don't want them as a parent!
The useless state of todays medical insurance.
So I read an article, the number one cause of bankruptcy in USA? Medical debt!
And you know what I think about this! It is because of the horrendous amount of crap one must endure to figgure out medical bills and confusing insurance claims. None of them make sense, none of them are written in plain english.
Get this, I recieved a collections notice for services rendered last year. So after the initial WTF!! OMGYUPOS! I started digging. And this is what I found.
The claim was for a Dr. whom I have seen numerous times. (but due to this, and other reasons, will NEVER GO BACK THERE AGAIN!). And she is in network. But for some ungodly reason, the insurance company processed it as out of network (so in essence go impale yourself on a blunt object and pay the full price out of your bodily orfice).
Then they re-processed it as in-network. And supposidly sent ME a check for this in-network Dr. Needless to say, if I did get the check, it was mixed in with my flex spending checks, and I had no clue they sent it to me. Instead of sending it to the F-ing provider!
So then flash forward, now the collection agency is demanding payment, and it has taken me three days of trying to figgure out what the flaming poo happened.
Now I have to pay the collection agency and all I want to do is scream and say all of this is such a hemmroid that it just makes me so pissed that NO ONE can do their job right, and in the end I have to somehow "fix" everything in some sort of a rush before they threaten me with all this rediculous crap that sounds like I am trying to screw them out of a million dollars!
In short, I HATE healthcare! I HATE insurance language and medical biling is such a joke, I want to tear someone limb from limb! Somehow average Joe americal gets screwed every time because we are supposed to be all knowing and versed in the secret codex of medical billing!
GRRR....
And you know what I think about this! It is because of the horrendous amount of crap one must endure to figgure out medical bills and confusing insurance claims. None of them make sense, none of them are written in plain english.
Get this, I recieved a collections notice for services rendered last year. So after the initial WTF!! OMGYUPOS! I started digging. And this is what I found.
The claim was for a Dr. whom I have seen numerous times. (but due to this, and other reasons, will NEVER GO BACK THERE AGAIN!). And she is in network. But for some ungodly reason, the insurance company processed it as out of network (so in essence go impale yourself on a blunt object and pay the full price out of your bodily orfice).
Then they re-processed it as in-network. And supposidly sent ME a check for this in-network Dr. Needless to say, if I did get the check, it was mixed in with my flex spending checks, and I had no clue they sent it to me. Instead of sending it to the F-ing provider!
So then flash forward, now the collection agency is demanding payment, and it has taken me three days of trying to figgure out what the flaming poo happened.
Now I have to pay the collection agency and all I want to do is scream and say all of this is such a hemmroid that it just makes me so pissed that NO ONE can do their job right, and in the end I have to somehow "fix" everything in some sort of a rush before they threaten me with all this rediculous crap that sounds like I am trying to screw them out of a million dollars!
In short, I HATE healthcare! I HATE insurance language and medical biling is such a joke, I want to tear someone limb from limb! Somehow average Joe americal gets screwed every time because we are supposed to be all knowing and versed in the secret codex of medical billing!
GRRR....
19 June 2009
One Gilr's Battle Against Toe FUZZ
Sigh...
So my DD has decided that Toe fuzz is the equivalent of some alien life form that must be irradicated. She has become sort of neruotic about checking between each and every toe, examining them closely to make sure not a microscopic speck of fuzz exists.
If by chance she finds any there is this determined face as she attempts to remove the offending fuzz before this grin of winning her daily war on the unsuspecting toe fuzz.
The other night she was with me in the family bed, when I pulled off my socks and slid under the sheets. She acted outraged! I had NOT checked for toe fuzz! She then proceeded to announce that SHE would take her assault on toe fuzz into the no mans land of mommies toes! Trying to go along, she duitifully examined each toe on one foot and demanded the other foot as well. She then pronounced me "ALL CLEAR!"
Sigh.. The things kids like to do. Which reminds me to tell ya about how living in this tick infested forest has now lead my DD to do tick checks on her stuffed animals mimicking how mommy has to check daddie's back after working outside. She is so serious about it too, saying the word Tick like it is some nasty monster. And then declares they are all good. :)
So my DD has decided that Toe fuzz is the equivalent of some alien life form that must be irradicated. She has become sort of neruotic about checking between each and every toe, examining them closely to make sure not a microscopic speck of fuzz exists.
If by chance she finds any there is this determined face as she attempts to remove the offending fuzz before this grin of winning her daily war on the unsuspecting toe fuzz.
The other night she was with me in the family bed, when I pulled off my socks and slid under the sheets. She acted outraged! I had NOT checked for toe fuzz! She then proceeded to announce that SHE would take her assault on toe fuzz into the no mans land of mommies toes! Trying to go along, she duitifully examined each toe on one foot and demanded the other foot as well. She then pronounced me "ALL CLEAR!"
Sigh.. The things kids like to do. Which reminds me to tell ya about how living in this tick infested forest has now lead my DD to do tick checks on her stuffed animals mimicking how mommy has to check daddie's back after working outside. She is so serious about it too, saying the word Tick like it is some nasty monster. And then declares they are all good. :)
04 June 2009
The playground
Well the playground arrived and was assembled yesterday. Madeline was in love! She just started screeching and running towards it. It was really cute! The first thing she did was climb up and run around the fort part. Then down the slide head first!
It is really nice and daddy did a great job picking out one that would be interesting for her. She easily scaled the 7 foot rock wall and proceeded to tell me "you still don't believe it huh mom!"
Sigh. My little girl is getting so big.
Today she slept in content, second night in a row with a dry nightime diaper! That is a big deal for us because I told her if she went three nights in a row dry, we would try out going to sleep in underwear instead of the sweaty diaper. She seems really enthusiastic about the whole thing and even woke up at 3:00am to use the bathroom.
She was able to fall back asleep, but unfortunately for me I was unable to. I rolled around for a while, and then I must have fallen asleep because I had one weirdo dream. The kind that fuels my short story type of dreams. It was so vivid and odd. I could see faces of people. All strangers, but in my dream were familiar. Primarily two guys in the dream. All the other people were the typical dream people blobs.. I will have to try to capture some of this one, it was really surreal, and I did wake up going "man, that would make one interesting story"....
Sigh.. too many story themes, not enough time to write!
It is really nice and daddy did a great job picking out one that would be interesting for her. She easily scaled the 7 foot rock wall and proceeded to tell me "you still don't believe it huh mom!"
Sigh. My little girl is getting so big.
Today she slept in content, second night in a row with a dry nightime diaper! That is a big deal for us because I told her if she went three nights in a row dry, we would try out going to sleep in underwear instead of the sweaty diaper. She seems really enthusiastic about the whole thing and even woke up at 3:00am to use the bathroom.
She was able to fall back asleep, but unfortunately for me I was unable to. I rolled around for a while, and then I must have fallen asleep because I had one weirdo dream. The kind that fuels my short story type of dreams. It was so vivid and odd. I could see faces of people. All strangers, but in my dream were familiar. Primarily two guys in the dream. All the other people were the typical dream people blobs.. I will have to try to capture some of this one, it was really surreal, and I did wake up going "man, that would make one interesting story"....
Sigh.. too many story themes, not enough time to write!
03 June 2009
My child...
Well I picked Madeline up from school and then was given a lecture.
It went like this...
"Mommy, you know you are not supposed to use those fucking bad words, because they are bad and you are not supposed to say them."
"I know Maddie, I try not too"
"You know you use a lot of them in the Truck, and you shouldn't because they are somebodies Uncles out there!"
That was followed up with Whaaat? Somebodies uncles... I think she kind of misinterpreted a lesson from school. :)
It went like this...
"Mommy, you know you are not supposed to use those fucking bad words, because they are bad and you are not supposed to say them."
"I know Maddie, I try not too"
"You know you use a lot of them in the Truck, and you shouldn't because they are somebodies Uncles out there!"
That was followed up with Whaaat? Somebodies uncles... I think she kind of misinterpreted a lesson from school. :)
01 June 2009
the mystery in the garden
Yeah the title sounds all mystic and wooo hooooeeee huh. Not all that cool honestly.
I planted my veggie garden and in the three weeks it has been in the dirt, some interesting things have been going on. First off the tomatoes, peppers, beans, and peas all appear to be growing as expected. So are the perimeter nasty smelling marigolds.. But...
First it was the squash that went funny. The leaves turned all white, like something drained the chlorophyl from them. Not yellow, not brown, just white all over. So I threw out the wilted white corpses and made fresh mounds on the other side of the raised bed and tried again. Same results.
Next my zuchinni succumed to this white blight, and now the cukes are looking a bit pale as well! WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I should blame bunnicula, the vampire bunny rabbit from my youth who sucked the juice out of celery in the garden... Yes! that must be it!
So It looks like I will have lots of tomatoes, but will be relying on my local grocer for the victims of bunnicula...
I planted my veggie garden and in the three weeks it has been in the dirt, some interesting things have been going on. First off the tomatoes, peppers, beans, and peas all appear to be growing as expected. So are the perimeter nasty smelling marigolds.. But...
First it was the squash that went funny. The leaves turned all white, like something drained the chlorophyl from them. Not yellow, not brown, just white all over. So I threw out the wilted white corpses and made fresh mounds on the other side of the raised bed and tried again. Same results.
Next my zuchinni succumed to this white blight, and now the cukes are looking a bit pale as well! WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I should blame bunnicula, the vampire bunny rabbit from my youth who sucked the juice out of celery in the garden... Yes! that must be it!
So It looks like I will have lots of tomatoes, but will be relying on my local grocer for the victims of bunnicula...
19 May 2009
New England Gardening
My husband first made this observation when we came up here looking for housing as part of my relocation package. "How the heck did these towns even come to be in 1639? How did they live here?" Why?
Because this area is one rocky rolling mess of sand, wetlands, and well, more sand. As someone who likes to consider themselves a decent gardener, this area has challenged my skills. Not only is the soil (if you can call it that) mainly sandy till you hit rock not too far down, the growing season is like rediculously short as well.
I set out my vegetable garden last weekend, seems reasonable right? To plant tomatoes, peppers, etc around May 15th? Well I was scorned by the locals who told me "Nothin in till Memorial Day". What? How the heck can you grow anything with the threat of last frost at the end of May and the first one in September?
So that brings me back to "how the heck did people live here?" New England is not a farming friendly area {hence the beautiful historic stone walls} and with the climate the way it is, how did anyone make a family garden to feed themselves?
I ended up trying to cover my garden last night because of a frost warning. Seems the temp only dipped to about 36F, but still enough to stunt my little saplings out there eeking out an existance.
I have already noticed that my raised bed from last year is doing much better at water retention and soil quality. This years bed is dusty brown and not too lively, wheras last years is a nice rich black. Looks like I have more work to do!
Because this area is one rocky rolling mess of sand, wetlands, and well, more sand. As someone who likes to consider themselves a decent gardener, this area has challenged my skills. Not only is the soil (if you can call it that) mainly sandy till you hit rock not too far down, the growing season is like rediculously short as well.
I set out my vegetable garden last weekend, seems reasonable right? To plant tomatoes, peppers, etc around May 15th? Well I was scorned by the locals who told me "Nothin in till Memorial Day". What? How the heck can you grow anything with the threat of last frost at the end of May and the first one in September?
So that brings me back to "how the heck did people live here?" New England is not a farming friendly area {hence the beautiful historic stone walls} and with the climate the way it is, how did anyone make a family garden to feed themselves?
I ended up trying to cover my garden last night because of a frost warning. Seems the temp only dipped to about 36F, but still enough to stunt my little saplings out there eeking out an existance.
I have already noticed that my raised bed from last year is doing much better at water retention and soil quality. This years bed is dusty brown and not too lively, wheras last years is a nice rich black. Looks like I have more work to do!
15 May 2009
King of the Cube Baby!!!
Oh yeah! After months of complaining that my company computer monitor (17" CRT) was browning out, flikkering, and well, just an antiquated POS, I finally recieved my upgrade.
It was precipitated by me starting a Track-it requesting a new monitor. (We joke that a track-it submission is the corporate way of shelving shit we don't want to have to deal with, ya know, take a number....) And I waited weeks...
Then at the beginning of the week I was chosen to be a guinea pig for a new software installation, which crashed and burned. Not to mention pegging out my poor hamster of a processor to the point where I just about had to do CPR on the motherboard!!! But that required the head of our IT department to show up. And what did he say "HOLY CRAP, your monitor is really bad!" At which point I camly (ok, making faces when he sat with his back to me) stated, I did put a Track-it in two weeks ago. His reply "oh...".
So by the next day my desk was adorned by a nice brandy new 22" widescreen LCD. :) Sigh... Smiles of happiness pass over my face as my poor eyes no longer feel like they are being pulled out by hot pokers of blurry text!
We all were supposed to get upgraded monitors last year, but well, fell through the cracks, so now I have to endure the looks of "who did she ..... to get the cool monitor?" from my cube mates... Oh, well, I just turn my back on them, let my eyes fall apon this bit of technological beauty and smile...
It was precipitated by me starting a Track-it requesting a new monitor. (We joke that a track-it submission is the corporate way of shelving shit we don't want to have to deal with, ya know, take a number....) And I waited weeks...
Then at the beginning of the week I was chosen to be a guinea pig for a new software installation, which crashed and burned. Not to mention pegging out my poor hamster of a processor to the point where I just about had to do CPR on the motherboard!!! But that required the head of our IT department to show up. And what did he say "HOLY CRAP, your monitor is really bad!" At which point I camly (ok, making faces when he sat with his back to me) stated, I did put a Track-it in two weeks ago. His reply "oh...".
So by the next day my desk was adorned by a nice brandy new 22" widescreen LCD. :) Sigh... Smiles of happiness pass over my face as my poor eyes no longer feel like they are being pulled out by hot pokers of blurry text!
We all were supposed to get upgraded monitors last year, but well, fell through the cracks, so now I have to endure the looks of "who did she ..... to get the cool monitor?" from my cube mates... Oh, well, I just turn my back on them, let my eyes fall apon this bit of technological beauty and smile...
Finally!
How long has it been? Oh, I don't know, maybe started this whole thing in FEBRUARY!
But today I found out I am now licensed as an EMT in the state of NH! Yup! Took yet another phone call up to the capitol to get that information. Turns out they mailed my license to a Lincolin drive... NO SUCH PLACE! The girl asked if I moved from there recently. I told her, well since it does not exist in the town of Brentwood, NO. The pain! {exclaimed in my Spock mind melding with the live rock voice!}
So, That means when I turn on my scanner, I can actually respond to calls! WOW! I think I will go out and get a red light for my truck then! Last time I tried mosy-ing up to the station, I had gramps in front of me who well, was going 5 UNDER the limit, and I was not even tailing him... Oh well... No guarantee that gramps will even see the light and be so kind as to move his sad arse over.
But today I found out I am now licensed as an EMT in the state of NH! Yup! Took yet another phone call up to the capitol to get that information. Turns out they mailed my license to a Lincolin drive... NO SUCH PLACE! The girl asked if I moved from there recently. I told her, well since it does not exist in the town of Brentwood, NO. The pain! {exclaimed in my Spock mind melding with the live rock voice!}
So, That means when I turn on my scanner, I can actually respond to calls! WOW! I think I will go out and get a red light for my truck then! Last time I tried mosy-ing up to the station, I had gramps in front of me who well, was going 5 UNDER the limit, and I was not even tailing him... Oh well... No guarantee that gramps will even see the light and be so kind as to move his sad arse over.
07 May 2009
My Dak...
Sigh....
My Dak... (Ok, Dodge Dakota for you non truck types...). Decided to bring my 2002 QQ 4x4 in for it's a little over 100,000 mile check up..
And the damage?
~$600 for a tune up and some misc parts. The tune up consists of spark plugs, air filter and some cleaner put through the injection ports.... All for the oh so cheap tune of $420! Throw in the typical oil change, and then something more for good measure... A radiator hose. Which pisses me off, because I had the coolant system replaced under insurance due to an accident in 2006 and so far I have had to replace the water pump, hoses, and oh yeah, when they put the new radiator in, they used the old cap, so had to replace that and the thermostat all since they "fixed" it. (Enter grumble about how auto insurance is legalized protection money and all it does is screw you over in the end...). So now the top radiator hose is all swollen and goina burst as the mechanic stated... Fun...
But that is not all folks, the list goes on... Recommended I replace my valve cover (exhaust manifold) gasket due to some "weeping oil" { um, I should be the one weeping here....}. Replace the burnt power steering fluid, flush and replace the front diff, rear diff, and transfer case fluids. All for an additional $750!
Oh, and my breaks will need to be replaced by inspection time in September, and a fog light lens is cracked, so that has to be changed in order to pass inspection also...
Well, looks like I will be forking this over though, since I am really not in the market to buy a new car anytime soon. All this can be added to what I have already done on this BB besides the regular maintenance. Rebuilt the rear diff, tie rod ends, upper and lower ball joints, transmission flush.... ugh, the list goes on.....
Sigh....
My Dak... (Ok, Dodge Dakota for you non truck types...). Decided to bring my 2002 QQ 4x4 in for it's a little over 100,000 mile check up..
And the damage?
~$600 for a tune up and some misc parts. The tune up consists of spark plugs, air filter and some cleaner put through the injection ports.... All for the oh so cheap tune of $420! Throw in the typical oil change, and then something more for good measure... A radiator hose. Which pisses me off, because I had the coolant system replaced under insurance due to an accident in 2006 and so far I have had to replace the water pump, hoses, and oh yeah, when they put the new radiator in, they used the old cap, so had to replace that and the thermostat all since they "fixed" it. (Enter grumble about how auto insurance is legalized protection money and all it does is screw you over in the end...). So now the top radiator hose is all swollen and goina burst as the mechanic stated... Fun...
But that is not all folks, the list goes on... Recommended I replace my valve cover (exhaust manifold) gasket due to some "weeping oil" { um, I should be the one weeping here....}. Replace the burnt power steering fluid, flush and replace the front diff, rear diff, and transfer case fluids. All for an additional $750!
Oh, and my breaks will need to be replaced by inspection time in September, and a fog light lens is cracked, so that has to be changed in order to pass inspection also...
Well, looks like I will be forking this over though, since I am really not in the market to buy a new car anytime soon. All this can be added to what I have already done on this BB besides the regular maintenance. Rebuilt the rear diff, tie rod ends, upper and lower ball joints, transmission flush.... ugh, the list goes on.....
Sigh....
03 May 2009
The Orioles are back in town!
Woo hooo!
Saturday was my first Oriole sighting! One male flew in and checked out my makeshift platform feeder where I had the oranges last year.
So I rushed out and bought a bag of oranges, sliced it in half and within the hour had two feasting away! It was so great to see them again, and since they knew right where to go, is a good sign they were here last year.
We also have our small flock ~4 yellow finches back for about a week now in their bright yellow feathers.
Did I tell ya I love spring after a long New England winter?
Saturday was my first Oriole sighting! One male flew in and checked out my makeshift platform feeder where I had the oranges last year.
So I rushed out and bought a bag of oranges, sliced it in half and within the hour had two feasting away! It was so great to see them again, and since they knew right where to go, is a good sign they were here last year.
We also have our small flock ~4 yellow finches back for about a week now in their bright yellow feathers.
Did I tell ya I love spring after a long New England winter?
22 April 2009
Dream
Ok, so I had this really weird dream that was so vivid when I woke up it was unreal...
I was a motorcycle rider?!?! I had on a black helmet, dressed all in black, and ok, I kid you not, this little black half cape tied around my neck... (ok, ridiculous I know, especial since it is dangerous for superheroes to wear capes {thanks for the info Mr. Incredible}).
I was at a gas station with this enormous black motorcycle, no chrome, all pitch black, like something DEATH in a Discworld novel would ride. And... I could not figure out where to put the gas! I was standing there with the gas nozzle just staring at the massive machine.
Then this gas attendant, dressed like something out of Leave it to Beaver episode, little boat hat, striped shirt walks up and asks if I need assistance and fills my tank.
The end of the dream is me sitting on top of this monstrous contraption, and all I can remember is that I was smiling so much my cheeks hurt..
Ok, so WTF is that?!?! I can be heard referring to motorcycles as donorcycles after my mirad of ambulance calls, where we are thankful they wore a helmet, because it makes spatula duty easier....
My co-worker who chuckled that she is not a dream interpreter told me it sounds like I need a vacation, that the motorcycle was representative of having no ties, no room for DH, no carseat for DD, no place for the dog, cats, crabs, fish... Just me and this giant joy ride... Told me I should by a Harley... Next I will be getting a tat!
But the cape?!??!
I was a motorcycle rider?!?! I had on a black helmet, dressed all in black, and ok, I kid you not, this little black half cape tied around my neck... (ok, ridiculous I know, especial since it is dangerous for superheroes to wear capes {thanks for the info Mr. Incredible}).
I was at a gas station with this enormous black motorcycle, no chrome, all pitch black, like something DEATH in a Discworld novel would ride. And... I could not figure out where to put the gas! I was standing there with the gas nozzle just staring at the massive machine.
Then this gas attendant, dressed like something out of Leave it to Beaver episode, little boat hat, striped shirt walks up and asks if I need assistance and fills my tank.
The end of the dream is me sitting on top of this monstrous contraption, and all I can remember is that I was smiling so much my cheeks hurt..
Ok, so WTF is that?!?! I can be heard referring to motorcycles as donorcycles after my mirad of ambulance calls, where we are thankful they wore a helmet, because it makes spatula duty easier....
My co-worker who chuckled that she is not a dream interpreter told me it sounds like I need a vacation, that the motorcycle was representative of having no ties, no room for DH, no carseat for DD, no place for the dog, cats, crabs, fish... Just me and this giant joy ride... Told me I should by a Harley... Next I will be getting a tat!
But the cape?!??!
21 April 2009
Defeat? Refocus?
In these ever changing economic times, I find myself challenged. Challenged on many fronts. First, we moved to NH with the intention of building a family, having a great place to raise children. Well, my reproductive history has been as sucessful as Red Korea's space program! PSSSTTTT.... crash and burn... So where does that land me? Re-evaluation....
DH's lucrative contract job came to a screeching halt in November of 2008. So it was onto the list for unemployment. That alone is a blog list and a half about dealing with how to cope with job loss (ok, you can enter here many expletives like "my career is over, I am worthless, why did I go to school? I can't even get a hamburger job!!!"..) The emotional rollercoaster is hell... So Re-evaluation...
My role in ICAN.. I came to the realization that I am the crappyest chapter leader in history. We have no members, we have no money, and well, try as I might, each time I say "I will call ten more places to look for a meeting location" I am frustrated that the last 20 have been "go bugger off nut job! the cost is $300 a day, you need insurance, you are not a resident of the town, we are too small to offer meeting space"... And that on top of my reproductive losses leaving me emotionally drained and finding it hard to relate to pregnancy at the moment .. {like an elusive rare bird that happens to other people. Other people have happy healthy worry free pregnancies... not me}.. DH is not supportive, feels that I am well, emotionally instable to carry the weight of other women's needs. (yeah makes me feel great he has such confidence in me!) But I know what he is trying to say... I am needed by Him, by my DD. And he does not want to see that suffer from me fracturing into a million peices... So, re-evaluation...
Being an EMT... Thought it would be no big deal, but up here getting my NH license has been the equivalent of trying to join a super secret society! There has been no cut and dry directions on anything! First it was weeks of finding out exactly what courses I need to do to convert my NJ license to a NH one. Then it was weeks of figguring out what was needed to apease the National Registry whores who seemed to not cooperate in trying to register to test. After that came the, "oh, there is one more computer test you have to take on some obscure computer system that no one told you about". Did that, sent in the paperwork following their vauge instructions on the back. So I started this whole thing in February, and just yesterday I found out that I did not have 'transition module'! WTF!!!!!!!!! I took the transition module in february! Contacted the training provider, she told me "oops, had an email problem to the state after the class.... if they cannot find the roster, I may have to take the class over again in JUNE!" AAKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! The entire time my pager is going off, and I have to sit on my hands! This whole system is enough to say "bugger off!" All I wanted to do was volunteer, and it has cost me >$500. and months of agony and frustration! No wonder why places cannot get people to volunteer!
I guess i am just wiped. Things that used to be no big deal seem like mountains. Things that I would just do without thinking twice now require me to analyze, and get family approval. Things just suck!
DH's lucrative contract job came to a screeching halt in November of 2008. So it was onto the list for unemployment. That alone is a blog list and a half about dealing with how to cope with job loss (ok, you can enter here many expletives like "my career is over, I am worthless, why did I go to school? I can't even get a hamburger job!!!"..) The emotional rollercoaster is hell... So Re-evaluation...
My role in ICAN.. I came to the realization that I am the crappyest chapter leader in history. We have no members, we have no money, and well, try as I might, each time I say "I will call ten more places to look for a meeting location" I am frustrated that the last 20 have been "go bugger off nut job! the cost is $300 a day, you need insurance, you are not a resident of the town, we are too small to offer meeting space"... And that on top of my reproductive losses leaving me emotionally drained and finding it hard to relate to pregnancy at the moment .. {like an elusive rare bird that happens to other people. Other people have happy healthy worry free pregnancies... not me}.. DH is not supportive, feels that I am well, emotionally instable to carry the weight of other women's needs. (yeah makes me feel great he has such confidence in me!) But I know what he is trying to say... I am needed by Him, by my DD. And he does not want to see that suffer from me fracturing into a million peices... So, re-evaluation...
Being an EMT... Thought it would be no big deal, but up here getting my NH license has been the equivalent of trying to join a super secret society! There has been no cut and dry directions on anything! First it was weeks of finding out exactly what courses I need to do to convert my NJ license to a NH one. Then it was weeks of figguring out what was needed to apease the National Registry whores who seemed to not cooperate in trying to register to test. After that came the, "oh, there is one more computer test you have to take on some obscure computer system that no one told you about". Did that, sent in the paperwork following their vauge instructions on the back. So I started this whole thing in February, and just yesterday I found out that I did not have 'transition module'! WTF!!!!!!!!! I took the transition module in february! Contacted the training provider, she told me "oops, had an email problem to the state after the class.... if they cannot find the roster, I may have to take the class over again in JUNE!" AAKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! The entire time my pager is going off, and I have to sit on my hands! This whole system is enough to say "bugger off!" All I wanted to do was volunteer, and it has cost me >$500. and months of agony and frustration! No wonder why places cannot get people to volunteer!
I guess i am just wiped. Things that used to be no big deal seem like mountains. Things that I would just do without thinking twice now require me to analyze, and get family approval. Things just suck!
18 March 2009
Individualism in our community
So I live in a small community. Not really big by any means. As a bit of history, it was part of another town and then annexed from it. We have a total of maybe two blinking traffic lights, one elementary school, don't even have our own post office (share a zip with the town we split from). So you get my picture.
Well, what I find fascinating is it is a town full of individuals, people who want to stand in their homes on their property and care only about that. There seems to be a lacking in community. Where is the pride in community? The desire to have a strong community base? We have a little over 2,000 registered voters (out of a population of 6,000+) and in our last town meeting where a New England town votes on everything by verbal Aye and Nay methods, there was around 312 voters!
Well, what I find fascinating is it is a town full of individuals, people who want to stand in their homes on their property and care only about that. There seems to be a lacking in community. Where is the pride in community? The desire to have a strong community base? We have a little over 2,000 registered voters (out of a population of 6,000+) and in our last town meeting where a New England town votes on everything by verbal Aye and Nay methods, there was around 312 voters!
Overall it was an eye opening experience. The questions people had, the arguments that ensued were all fascinating from an observers standpoint. The Yankee mentality....
Some of my favorite from the night were:
Question on buying a new fire truck. 1) How many fires did we have last year? {UM, ok, does it matter if YOUR house is on fire?!?} 2) Well, if the fire truck is just 30 years old, and you say still passes inspection, then it ain't broke. So come ask us for a new one when the old one is broke.. {Again, slap head... If it is broke, what will put out your smouldering hillbilly shack?}
The pain was just excruciating! I am not one for high taxes nor for crazy spending to increase taxes, but sometimes you have to spend money! It is funny that no one questioned the 2.7 to 3% salary raise for the town workers! Shventa, I did not get a raise this year due to the economy!
But the best one so far is the hand painted sign... "Vote NO to the fire dept. They are building a GYM with are money".... are?!? really?
Driving through Jersey, land of the property tax, income tax, sales tax, I looked out the window and saw sprawling stone work fire departments, town halls that look like small estates, post offices spiraling high into the air. I read about new equipment, of parades, of parks, monuments, and schools with money.
So what works and what does not? I do not know....
09 March 2009
Snow again!
It is snowing yet again. March 9th, and snow. AAAKKK!
We were teased this weekend with weather in the 50's, and I even went outside and did some spring yard cleanup for a bit in a light coat! Left the parka inside! There were spots of grass showing through the snow! The sunlight was so bright yesterday! I wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep in the sun with my cats...
And today I woke up to another 3 to 6 inches! Enough!
NH does not keep snow totals for all areas, and so far I could only find info for Concord, which as of last week listed 84" of snow this season. I know we have had more than Concord, so a quick estimate is we are around 100" of snow!
Sigh.... All I can do is sit inside and dog-ear my seed and flower catalogues... someday....
We were teased this weekend with weather in the 50's, and I even went outside and did some spring yard cleanup for a bit in a light coat! Left the parka inside! There were spots of grass showing through the snow! The sunlight was so bright yesterday! I wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep in the sun with my cats...
And today I woke up to another 3 to 6 inches! Enough!
NH does not keep snow totals for all areas, and so far I could only find info for Concord, which as of last week listed 84" of snow this season. I know we have had more than Concord, so a quick estimate is we are around 100" of snow!
Sigh.... All I can do is sit inside and dog-ear my seed and flower catalogues... someday....
08 March 2009
Peake's Paw
So my inlaws were up for the weekend, and they brought with them a token. A plaster cast taken by their vet's office of our Peake's paw. With his name on it, and a little bow.
What to say. I could not say anything when MIL handed me the little package... I had to open it, but I did not want to see it. Did not want to feel the pain of loss again.
But I did. I looked at those big honking paws and thougth of that sweet friendly guy who used to snore, drool and stand on you, all 25 lbs of him pressing into you in four little paws. Thinking of the day we went to the West Milford Animal Shelter in NJ and brought home "Tommy and Lucy" as they were named there. To become our Chessie and Peake. That was 1998, shortly after our wedding.
We miss him, and like the list of pets he will always be there, just around the corner.
What to say. I could not say anything when MIL handed me the little package... I had to open it, but I did not want to see it. Did not want to feel the pain of loss again.
But I did. I looked at those big honking paws and thougth of that sweet friendly guy who used to snore, drool and stand on you, all 25 lbs of him pressing into you in four little paws. Thinking of the day we went to the West Milford Animal Shelter in NJ and brought home "Tommy and Lucy" as they were named there. To become our Chessie and Peake. That was 1998, shortly after our wedding.
We miss him, and like the list of pets he will always be there, just around the corner.
26 February 2009
Contimplations while on the road alone
I have had a decent amount of time alone. something I do not have much of. Which has left me with time to think, to ponder items that would normally not even force their ways through the tangled complex web of my everyday life.
I thought about the paths I have taken in life, and the paths left unexplored. Where I have come from and where I am going. I have reflected on the fact that as a youth I always saw my whole life ahead of me, an open palate left to be painted. Now, I realize that half of that painting has been done, and the sketch for the rest there to be finished or scratched over.
I contemplated what I have done, did I do the things I thought I would? Have I accomplished what I had set out to do? This is a difficult analysis, as I have found my goals, my picture of the future has metamorphosed over time. Changing sometimes daily as my tumultuous life twisted on a rail that leads me where?
Where I am now, a mid-career level Biochemist. A wife of close to 11 years. A Mother of one dear child. An EMT. A homeowner. Living in a location that never entered into the realm of possibilities before.
Am I fulfilled? A difficult question. What is fulfillment? Have I ever been? I have been told „You are never happy“, „You are unsettled, restless, never pleased“. But is that true? do I not find happiness in daily life? I do stop to smell the proverbial roses as they say.
I guess it comes down to the fact that I am an „over achiever“, the typical „type A personality“. No, I never am satisfied that something is „complete“ or that it is perfect. I have found rarely an item, or event is perfect. Perfection is reserved for God alone, all else musters the best we can. I can see improvements in everything, in every one. There is always growth. Growth is not a negative, not a reason to say you are unhappy, but a stimulus, a stimulus to keep us ever evolving.
Have I done well evolving? Some times i think yes, others no. Some times like these past hours alone, unencumbered as wife, as mom, I have contemplated what „single“ me would have done. What things I saw myself doing as a child. In the military? On a space shuttle? In the OR dicing apart the human body? All those came to me as real possibilities for my life, for me to strive to evolve, always challenging roles, some that seem outright unreachable as a child.
So did I drive to my unreachable goals? Did I settle on a path least challenging? I sometimes wonder. I wonder where my life has taken me, where my soul, my mind, my body has ended up in this ever dynamic world.
Did I go it alone? No. Early in my life I found a mate, a person who I found would share my soul with. A comfort, a security that I needed. No matter how much of an individual I will always be, I need those ties, the feeling of „belonging“ of being needed, and needing. It is something I do not regret, even in the act of taking one path, some other paths around me were erased from the canvas of my life.
It is interesting to reflect on the fact that choices made, no matter how well planned they were, or how right they felt at the time will always fall under scrutiny as the years pass, as time puts a distance from what seemed like the right thing. But I must say overall, I am still agreeing with the decisions I have made. We will see how that fares as age, and time stretches on.
I feel that I have made a difference in the world, maybe not with a broad stroke that many will recognize me, or the contributions I have made. But that is ok, most people who make a difference in the world around them go unnoticed. Modest. I like that. It is the intimate changes that I make in peoples lives. That is what counts.
And I will have a legacy, a child that grows in my image daily. Her brilliant mind, her strong will, all things that will give her a foundation to take on the world around her and come out the other side. If there is one thing I can teach my only child, it is that the world is an ever changing environ, and you must be prepared, and ready to ride the world facing forward, taking on life’s challenges as they fly at you from any direction. To never let your guard down, because when you become complacent, when you find yourself in a secure routine, remember that this is fleeting and enjoy it.
My career, is this where I want to be? Some days, as I am teaching or sharing with others, and I see that spark of interest, or maybe the „moment of enlightenment“ as something finally makes sense, something fills in the gaps between what was known, and unknown. I like those days. Those days make me feel that I am making a difference, slight, but there. Days I am faced with a challenge that seems impossible, a task that others wave away, and I must make happen. Those are the days I complain, I curse, yet I also triumph. It is a chance to take on something that will force me to grow, force me to realize my weaknesses and take on a task that is make or break.
It is the routine that kills me, when life falls into the rut of monotonous non-challenge that my mind and soul question my choices. What has brought me to this middle class, middle life muddle? That is the moments when I need to shake up my life.
There are also days when I face the fact that even as I planned, my life still proved complex. That I have no control over a lot of my life. These are the days I curse the sky, shake my fist at the sun, the world around me, and ask the „WHY?“ just to already know the answer. There is no answer. There never will be. It just is.
I will never understand the human suffering. The things that people must endure while trying to make the most of their short existence on this world we share. We find ourselves for the most part removed from suffering in this day and age. We all have a tendency to grow old something that was a precious commodity for the majority of human history. Ugh, plane here… have to stop this rambling…
I thought about the paths I have taken in life, and the paths left unexplored. Where I have come from and where I am going. I have reflected on the fact that as a youth I always saw my whole life ahead of me, an open palate left to be painted. Now, I realize that half of that painting has been done, and the sketch for the rest there to be finished or scratched over.
I contemplated what I have done, did I do the things I thought I would? Have I accomplished what I had set out to do? This is a difficult analysis, as I have found my goals, my picture of the future has metamorphosed over time. Changing sometimes daily as my tumultuous life twisted on a rail that leads me where?
Where I am now, a mid-career level Biochemist. A wife of close to 11 years. A Mother of one dear child. An EMT. A homeowner. Living in a location that never entered into the realm of possibilities before.
Am I fulfilled? A difficult question. What is fulfillment? Have I ever been? I have been told „You are never happy“, „You are unsettled, restless, never pleased“. But is that true? do I not find happiness in daily life? I do stop to smell the proverbial roses as they say.
I guess it comes down to the fact that I am an „over achiever“, the typical „type A personality“. No, I never am satisfied that something is „complete“ or that it is perfect. I have found rarely an item, or event is perfect. Perfection is reserved for God alone, all else musters the best we can. I can see improvements in everything, in every one. There is always growth. Growth is not a negative, not a reason to say you are unhappy, but a stimulus, a stimulus to keep us ever evolving.
Have I done well evolving? Some times i think yes, others no. Some times like these past hours alone, unencumbered as wife, as mom, I have contemplated what „single“ me would have done. What things I saw myself doing as a child. In the military? On a space shuttle? In the OR dicing apart the human body? All those came to me as real possibilities for my life, for me to strive to evolve, always challenging roles, some that seem outright unreachable as a child.
So did I drive to my unreachable goals? Did I settle on a path least challenging? I sometimes wonder. I wonder where my life has taken me, where my soul, my mind, my body has ended up in this ever dynamic world.
Did I go it alone? No. Early in my life I found a mate, a person who I found would share my soul with. A comfort, a security that I needed. No matter how much of an individual I will always be, I need those ties, the feeling of „belonging“ of being needed, and needing. It is something I do not regret, even in the act of taking one path, some other paths around me were erased from the canvas of my life.
It is interesting to reflect on the fact that choices made, no matter how well planned they were, or how right they felt at the time will always fall under scrutiny as the years pass, as time puts a distance from what seemed like the right thing. But I must say overall, I am still agreeing with the decisions I have made. We will see how that fares as age, and time stretches on.
I feel that I have made a difference in the world, maybe not with a broad stroke that many will recognize me, or the contributions I have made. But that is ok, most people who make a difference in the world around them go unnoticed. Modest. I like that. It is the intimate changes that I make in peoples lives. That is what counts.
And I will have a legacy, a child that grows in my image daily. Her brilliant mind, her strong will, all things that will give her a foundation to take on the world around her and come out the other side. If there is one thing I can teach my only child, it is that the world is an ever changing environ, and you must be prepared, and ready to ride the world facing forward, taking on life’s challenges as they fly at you from any direction. To never let your guard down, because when you become complacent, when you find yourself in a secure routine, remember that this is fleeting and enjoy it.
My career, is this where I want to be? Some days, as I am teaching or sharing with others, and I see that spark of interest, or maybe the „moment of enlightenment“ as something finally makes sense, something fills in the gaps between what was known, and unknown. I like those days. Those days make me feel that I am making a difference, slight, but there. Days I am faced with a challenge that seems impossible, a task that others wave away, and I must make happen. Those are the days I complain, I curse, yet I also triumph. It is a chance to take on something that will force me to grow, force me to realize my weaknesses and take on a task that is make or break.
It is the routine that kills me, when life falls into the rut of monotonous non-challenge that my mind and soul question my choices. What has brought me to this middle class, middle life muddle? That is the moments when I need to shake up my life.
There are also days when I face the fact that even as I planned, my life still proved complex. That I have no control over a lot of my life. These are the days I curse the sky, shake my fist at the sun, the world around me, and ask the „WHY?“ just to already know the answer. There is no answer. There never will be. It just is.
I will never understand the human suffering. The things that people must endure while trying to make the most of their short existence on this world we share. We find ourselves for the most part removed from suffering in this day and age. We all have a tendency to grow old something that was a precious commodity for the majority of human history. Ugh, plane here… have to stop this rambling…
Madeline Learns Time
Well, I came home from a four day business trip, and came to realize that madeline has learned time. As a baby, there is no consept of time. There is only now. Yesterday and Tomorrow are words without meaning.
She has developed that relationship. She knows that Saturday and Sunday there is no school, that Wednesday is Tumble Bus day. She will look at the clock and exclaim "I'ts six o'clock! Boy am I tired! Time for bed!". (Even though the clock usually reads 8:00, but she is trying). She has observed that diffrent events mark the passage of time.
So when she asked Monday night if Mommy would be home tomorrow and Daddy replied "no". For her it was an eternity.
It is amazing to watch the developmental process of children, as things you take for granted or never really questioned are examined, and incorporated into a new person's world. It is truly a blessing.
She has developed that relationship. She knows that Saturday and Sunday there is no school, that Wednesday is Tumble Bus day. She will look at the clock and exclaim "I'ts six o'clock! Boy am I tired! Time for bed!". (Even though the clock usually reads 8:00, but she is trying). She has observed that diffrent events mark the passage of time.
So when she asked Monday night if Mommy would be home tomorrow and Daddy replied "no". For her it was an eternity.
It is amazing to watch the developmental process of children, as things you take for granted or never really questioned are examined, and incorporated into a new person's world. It is truly a blessing.
16 February 2009
EMS update
Well, I completed my EMT-B RTP (refresher training program) last weekend, all 24+ hours of it, and this weekend did my CPR for healthcare provider by AHA. Now I have to gear up for the state practical, on the 21st. After that, it is on to the National Registry test... (not looking forward to that).
I have been practicing my online tests, and if I just stop thinking about it and pick what my gut tells me, I seem to be doing ok. If I start thinking, i start picking the wrong answer.. That's me, analyze it to the point where no answer makes sense.
So, a lot to go, but seems that I might just be doing this again...
Off to watch Mother, Jugs, and Speed.. :)
I have been practicing my online tests, and if I just stop thinking about it and pick what my gut tells me, I seem to be doing ok. If I start thinking, i start picking the wrong answer.. That's me, analyze it to the point where no answer makes sense.
So, a lot to go, but seems that I might just be doing this again...
Off to watch Mother, Jugs, and Speed.. :)
15 February 2009
Madeline Writes Her Name
Well, Madeline wrote her name in school recently. It was really quite amazing to see. Here she is about 3 and a half, and proud to show mom her name!
So we practiced at home, and sure enough she wrote it all out (each letter was about 10 inches high!). But there it was M, A, D, E, L, I, N, E !!!!!!!
She then went on to try to write my name.
It is truly a blessing to watch as her Independence and desire to master the world around her evolves. She will tell me "I don't know that one" and I will draw it once. She then will yell "I know, I know! Let me do it now!" as she concentrates and then draws her own version, even making corrections till it looks like mine. When she gets frustrated she takes the crayon and scribbles furiously over the offending mark. It is so fun to watch her grow. I truly am blessed.
So we practiced at home, and sure enough she wrote it all out (each letter was about 10 inches high!). But there it was M, A, D, E, L, I, N, E !!!!!!!
She then went on to try to write my name.
It is truly a blessing to watch as her Independence and desire to master the world around her evolves. She will tell me "I don't know that one" and I will draw it once. She then will yell "I know, I know! Let me do it now!" as she concentrates and then draws her own version, even making corrections till it looks like mine. When she gets frustrated she takes the crayon and scribbles furiously over the offending mark. It is so fun to watch her grow. I truly am blessed.
One step forward!
Well I passed my NH EMT-B practical exam! PHEW! I was so stressed, it was beyond frustrating. Lets just say a few PVC's were had that day!
I first must say thank you to all the guys and gal who took time out of their day to help me on Wednesday the 18th at Brentwood Fire. I have not been given the OK that I am a member, but there was a whole gang there to help me practice for the test. It really meant a lot to me and reminded me of why I do EMS.
Because EMS is a family. That is why I do it. That is why I find myself drawn to EMS. Once you are part of the family, you will always be family. There is something about sharing a call with people who are complete strangers that brings people together. Something about having to trust with your life the guys around you. It is something that few ever have the privledge of being members of. I think that my draw to EMS is because I was drawn to the military. I never served, for one reason or another, but I serve my country, my community by doing EMS.
And I have been away too long. Soon. Soon.
I first must say thank you to all the guys and gal who took time out of their day to help me on Wednesday the 18th at Brentwood Fire. I have not been given the OK that I am a member, but there was a whole gang there to help me practice for the test. It really meant a lot to me and reminded me of why I do EMS.
Because EMS is a family. That is why I do it. That is why I find myself drawn to EMS. Once you are part of the family, you will always be family. There is something about sharing a call with people who are complete strangers that brings people together. Something about having to trust with your life the guys around you. It is something that few ever have the privledge of being members of. I think that my draw to EMS is because I was drawn to the military. I never served, for one reason or another, but I serve my country, my community by doing EMS.
And I have been away too long. Soon. Soon.
27 January 2009
EMS Again?!?
Somehow, in this moment of gloom, I am filled with life....
I have started the process of getting my NH EMT license. WOOO HOOO!
I was worried that I would have to do the entire 130 hour course over, which would be not only a financial drain, but a time drain as well.
Turns out after a call to the EMS education office, all I have to do is take a weekend long refresher course with transition modules, and then take the practical exam, and the National Registry written exam. All by April.. YOU CAN DOO IT!
I am excited. I have missed EMS. It was such a part of me (see my web page for ems stuff).
Ok, well, have to get busy, drop my application off tonight at the town hall, get into a basic RTP course...
Yeay!!!
I have started the process of getting my NH EMT license. WOOO HOOO!
I was worried that I would have to do the entire 130 hour course over, which would be not only a financial drain, but a time drain as well.
Turns out after a call to the EMS education office, all I have to do is take a weekend long refresher course with transition modules, and then take the practical exam, and the National Registry written exam. All by April.. YOU CAN DOO IT!
I am excited. I have missed EMS. It was such a part of me (see my web page for ems stuff).
Ok, well, have to get busy, drop my application off tonight at the town hall, get into a basic RTP course...
Yeay!!!
23 January 2009
Again?
Well, I did it. After putting it off, and not making the time, I went down to my local Fire/EMS service and picked up an application.
It was a fun morning. I met some nice people, and just walking through the bay rooms by the rigs was comforting. Weird I know, but for someone who lived on these things for five years, and have come to be part of my self identity, it is like comming home.
Granted the building is hodge podge, and I did not get to see much of the equipment, but the ambulances looked pretty new. I have to get over being the spoilt EMS service, where we had hydraulic stretchers, new fancy stair chairs, and a new rig every two years. Not every town has the industry base to donate to the EMS service. This town has about 1/4 the population density, and about 1/10th the industrial base. But, it is something.
So I picked up the appilcation, and filled it out. The only thing that might put things to a difficult light, my NJ state license expired in 2007, and it was not a national certification. So, I may have to take the EMT Basic 130 hour course all over again, followed by the practical exam, and the National Registry written exam. That would not be fun, but my own fault for not joining a squad as soon as I got up here. Honestly, what I was told when i first contacted the state was that I would need to take the course over anyways, due to my NJ certs not being the same as NH. The course would be a breeze after 5.5 years of active service on an ambulance, but it would be a big time drain, and costs over $600 out of pocket.
Well, who knows. I really would like to ride again, maybe, just maybe I will.
It was a fun morning. I met some nice people, and just walking through the bay rooms by the rigs was comforting. Weird I know, but for someone who lived on these things for five years, and have come to be part of my self identity, it is like comming home.
Granted the building is hodge podge, and I did not get to see much of the equipment, but the ambulances looked pretty new. I have to get over being the spoilt EMS service, where we had hydraulic stretchers, new fancy stair chairs, and a new rig every two years. Not every town has the industry base to donate to the EMS service. This town has about 1/4 the population density, and about 1/10th the industrial base. But, it is something.
So I picked up the appilcation, and filled it out. The only thing that might put things to a difficult light, my NJ state license expired in 2007, and it was not a national certification. So, I may have to take the EMT Basic 130 hour course all over again, followed by the practical exam, and the National Registry written exam. That would not be fun, but my own fault for not joining a squad as soon as I got up here. Honestly, what I was told when i first contacted the state was that I would need to take the course over anyways, due to my NJ certs not being the same as NH. The course would be a breeze after 5.5 years of active service on an ambulance, but it would be a big time drain, and costs over $600 out of pocket.
Well, who knows. I really would like to ride again, maybe, just maybe I will.
20 January 2009
I am a hero to one!
Well, I could really use a positive today, and my three year old DD gave me that.
She has become fixated on the fact that Mommy used to drive an ambulance. She asks me all the time about "what happened next" and I run through what happens from page to the trip back home. She loves it. asking every moment 'and then what happened".
So this week they announced to the preschool class that a Police officer was coming to school. And DD told the class "my mommy drives an ambulance". Of course that was followed up with them wanting to see. So She has been begging for pictures.
Today I found some pictures of my old North Brunswick First Aid and Rescue Squad pictures. Alpha 3, and Rescue 4. Pictures of me and Kasia in front of an Alpha by Farrington lake. Pictures of me sitting in the back of a new Rig.
I did not even get in the door before she was babbling, wanting to see "mommy's ambulance pictures". When I produced the pictures, she just about went nuts. She was bubbling and looking at all the pictures, repeating what I stated, and then pointing to them and telling me what they were.
And today, in the midst of what feels like another midlife crisis, loosing yet another pregnancy, my only child looked up at me with awe, with respect reserved for Spiderman and Firestar and told me "I'm so proud of Mommy, I want to drive an ambulance when I am old".
So there it is, for a fleeting moment, I was invincible. A hero. I think I will hold to that memory.
She has become fixated on the fact that Mommy used to drive an ambulance. She asks me all the time about "what happened next" and I run through what happens from page to the trip back home. She loves it. asking every moment 'and then what happened".
So this week they announced to the preschool class that a Police officer was coming to school. And DD told the class "my mommy drives an ambulance". Of course that was followed up with them wanting to see. So She has been begging for pictures.
Today I found some pictures of my old North Brunswick First Aid and Rescue Squad pictures. Alpha 3, and Rescue 4. Pictures of me and Kasia in front of an Alpha by Farrington lake. Pictures of me sitting in the back of a new Rig.
I did not even get in the door before she was babbling, wanting to see "mommy's ambulance pictures". When I produced the pictures, she just about went nuts. She was bubbling and looking at all the pictures, repeating what I stated, and then pointing to them and telling me what they were.
And today, in the midst of what feels like another midlife crisis, loosing yet another pregnancy, my only child looked up at me with awe, with respect reserved for Spiderman and Firestar and told me "I'm so proud of Mommy, I want to drive an ambulance when I am old".
So there it is, for a fleeting moment, I was invincible. A hero. I think I will hold to that memory.
20Jan09 I just need a little change?
Change anyone? So has anyone felt sweeping change taking over just past 12:00 noon?
Tick, tick, tick.... nope.... Nothing yet.
What change do I want? what change do I think Obama will deliver? To me? Not a whole hell of a lot.
First of all, I fall into middle class hell. Too rich for the handouts, too poor to know the tax loops so I can keep my money. What is to come for us? Relocation of the bit of material we have been able to aquire? Wonderful. I don't see us in the handout line, and sure as hell see us in the "take from them" line. And what do I have to take in comparison to the uber weathly?
So what change can he offer me? Maybe a 401K that is worth than the 1/10th of what I put into it! Maybe my monthly medical premiums not creeping up as they do each year. How about realizing that the cost of living wage increases are a joke, and that Inflation is real. {come on, who has been able to buy a pound of lunch meat for under $10.00!}.
Maybe someone who will tell the oil whores to go pack it?!? I doubt it. We will play victim to international polotics for years to come.
So how will things change? That I would love to know.... Bring it on Big O! Prove me to be wrong about you and your promise of change.
After all, everyone could use a little change
Tick, tick, tick.... nope.... Nothing yet.
What change do I want? what change do I think Obama will deliver? To me? Not a whole hell of a lot.
First of all, I fall into middle class hell. Too rich for the handouts, too poor to know the tax loops so I can keep my money. What is to come for us? Relocation of the bit of material we have been able to aquire? Wonderful. I don't see us in the handout line, and sure as hell see us in the "take from them" line. And what do I have to take in comparison to the uber weathly?
So what change can he offer me? Maybe a 401K that is worth than the 1/10th of what I put into it! Maybe my monthly medical premiums not creeping up as they do each year. How about realizing that the cost of living wage increases are a joke, and that Inflation is real. {come on, who has been able to buy a pound of lunch meat for under $10.00!}.
Maybe someone who will tell the oil whores to go pack it?!? I doubt it. We will play victim to international polotics for years to come.
So how will things change? That I would love to know.... Bring it on Big O! Prove me to be wrong about you and your promise of change.
After all, everyone could use a little change
05 January 2009
2008, not the best of years.
So 2008 has ranked up there with the suckyest years ever. Started out the year by miscarriage #3 at the end of december 2007. Had miscarriage #4 in April. Lost my Matthew cat. Lost Peake cat. In November before the holildays, husband's contract position was terminated, leaving him unemployed. And rounded out the year by discovering pregnancy #6 was not viable. Wonderful.
Do I have enough hope left to think 2009 will bring good things or just continue the misery that 2008 inflicted? Jury is still out... check back next year. :)
Do I have enough hope left to think 2009 will bring good things or just continue the misery that 2008 inflicted? Jury is still out... check back next year. :)
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